A PC Fairytale: Three Pigs and a Big Bad Wolf

- a politically correct fairy tale

Three pigs live in the Rain Forest. They decide that they want to build themselves three new houses. They want to build their houses from biodegradable material, so as not to harm the Rain Forest. The first little piggy builds his house with straw not made from GM crops. The second piggy builds her house with mud and cow dung - which makes it a slightly smelly place to live in, but is very "ecologically friendly". The third piggy builds his house from bricks, but has a solar-powered electrical generator installed in the back garden so as to help conserve the earth's precious fossil-fuel resourses.

The piggies are very proud of their new, politically correct houses. But, one day, a wolf (a big bad wolf) decides to pay them a visit. The wolf is big and bad because he works for a multi-national corporation that wants to cut down the Rain Forest and make thousands of animals homeless. The wolf decides that these politically correct piggies must be the first to leave the forest because they are setting a bad example to all the other animals.

The wolf arrives at the door of the first house, made of straw. "If you do not come out of your house and leave the rain forest immediately I will huff and puff and blow your house down," says the Big Bad Wolf. The little piggy in the straw house is too scared to leave and sits crying inside. So the wolf takes a big breath, and huffs and puffs and blows the little piggy's non-genetically modified house down.

Greenpeace and other environmental organisations immediately send in a protest to the United Nations, but it is too late. The wolf approaches the second house made of smelly cow dung. "If you do not leave your house immediately I will huff and puff and blow your house down," says the Big Bad Wolf who works for a multinational corporation.
The little piggy inside the smelly house shakes with fear but does not come out. So the big bad multinational wolf huffs and puffs and blows the little smelly house down.

Kofi Annan calls a meeting of the United Nations General Assembly. In the UK questions are asked in the House of Commons. Wolf approaches the house made of brick with the solar powered generator in the back garden. "Piggy", shouts the wolf, "Get out here pronto, my little pink organic friend, otherwise I am going to huff and puff and blow your house down."

Piggy wonders what to do. Wolf prepares to huff and puff. Suddenly, the house is surrounded by environmental activists. "Down with the wolf, down with the wolf," they chant, joining hands and surrounding the Big Bad Wolf. Wolf tries firing a water-canon at them, but still they come. He tries some tear-gas, but it is no use. Wolf decides to run for it and breaks through the green protestors and runs and runs for his life.

The piggies, and their new environmentalist friends, celebrate with a big feast of nuts and tofu burgers, washed down with lots and lots of decaffeinated coffee from Nicaragua.

And they lived happily ever after.

Peter Gentle